Self Indulgence |
Saturday, August 12, 2000
Well. This has been a bit of an experiment in long windedness. I kind of feel like I should not refer to my previous entries, because this thing is stacked in reverse chronological order. Still, one thing leads to another, and chaos theory reigns supreme... If you expect to see anything other than truly psuedo-intellectual babble from me here, than I apologize in advance. I realize that nothing I say is going to be ground breaking. I mean, If I was one of the greatest minds of our generation, do you think that no one would have heard of me at this point in my life? Who's kidding who - I know that I am destined to be just a guy. I hope I can make people think, but the odds of me fixing the wrongs of the world via HTML and prose -- very low. Speaking of which, why isn't Darrell famous? Or July for that matter? These guys have a lot of talent - more than I can claim. I may be able to drop a smart ass comment here or there, but I'm not really creating - just commenting on. That's the literary equivalent of hacking someone else's HTML... Argh. To be young and have time to re-learn everything again... sometimes I just want to drop off the face of the planet and play with sound editors and photoshop all day long. Sure, I would be starving, but I would be happy... The problem is that I can see how short term impulsiveness will ruin my long term satisfaction. Yeah, that applies to work and my social life as well... I love you. Let's not rush things.
That last log kind of wandered a bit. Let me get back to the point that I was trying to make. There is nothing wrong with trying to be special. It is a basic tenet of human society. The problem that I have is in the way that they are trying to differentiate themselves. I feel that by trying to be a "mentor" to the fledgling "vampire community" that they are providing a negative outlet for this need to be special. I feel that people may adopt this lifestyle in order to find a place where they can fit in, yet feel like they are a part of something that is great and mysterious. I am not sure that I like this being out there in the world. Yes, I am against censorship -- but if I had my way then it would be wrong to delude people with stories about fantastical creatures and powers... This goes for religions as well as for this whole M&D fiasco. I view her site in the same way that I would view someone proselytizing their own religion (and yes, I realize that she is not claiming vampirism to be a religion -- I am making the comparison for my own purposes.) I guess I just wish that I could stop religions from teaching things that are obviously not true. I want the world to examine things logically and understand the science behind things - not teach that all life was created in 7 days by a now disinterested diety. Maybe I can tolerate them being out there - the churches and the vampires... Their methods are not too different. But I will not respect them. And I hope that I can speak to people out there that might be on the cusp between rational thought and irrational faith and beliefs... Maybe someday we will all look back at the myths and laugh.
I'm finding myself on both sides of this censorship issue, and I'm now not sure exactly where I fall. I have been very anti-censorship my whole life. I personally hold freedom of thought / speech / expression very dear -- in fact, they are some of the paramount beliefs in my life. However, I have found myself in a discussion on a message board where, more and more, I see why censorship could be considered a good thing. I am very torn. On the one hand, sites like Memory&Dream's serve a dual purpose. They show the world how rediculous this whole fantasy / romanticized world of vampirism and escapism can be. On the other hand, there are some very articulate and intelligent people there who make the vampire phenomena sound rational. JD for one seem like a very bright individual, and while I think his belief that he needs to feed off of blood in order to survive is wacky, he presents his case in such a manner that I begin to question whether or not he may have some truth in the statements that he makes. And that, that is what scares me. I am a rational person. I am not likely to allow myself to be convinced to follow a charismatic leader. I would be the last person in the world that you would expect would join a cult or follow a belief system because of a web site. The problem is that it is very hard for me to determine how someone who was more easily influenced would react to this site and the arguments put forward therein. I do not have anything against JD. He does not seem to be advocating the lifestyle of vampirism. In fact, he states quite often that it is an inconvenience to him. The point that makes me doubt that this is truly an affliction is where he says that he would not accept a cure for this affliction if one were to be found. That right there is my warning flag. That right there is the only thing that keeps me from believing that JD truly has a physical problem that is fixed by blood. If he would state that he would accept a cure for it, then I would not doubt for a moment that he was simply experiencing something that medicine did not have a cure for at this time, and that he was earnest in his search for answers. Denying the hypothetical cure makes me believe that it is not about a physical problem, but that he enjoys being "special". In his defense, this really isn't something unique to this group of people. I find that more and more, as I examine things in the world, that it appears that the need to be special runs rampant across many different points of society. The Jews were the "Chosen people of God". This made them special. Buying a BMW will make you the envy of your friends. Consumerism is simply an attempt to make pepole believe that they are special due to their goods and posessions. Jesus died for YOUR sins. Your call is important to us, please hold for the next available operator.
Whee. Before I get into too much trouble, I don't care if you are a Christian or not. I'm sure it disappoints many people that I know and care about that I do not believe in their religion. That's ok, it disappoints me occasionally that they are willing to accept it too. But that's not the point here... I'm not trying to alienate all Christians. I just want to alienate the ones that think God does not have a sense of humor. These are the same people that think that God is intolerant -- even though he gave us freedom of choice and a rational mind which can either choose to accept him or not (See Genesis, fundies). That's right fundamentalists... I posit that YOU ALL, with your attempts to censor and control the thought processes of people to protect them, are committing what you should consider the highest form of blasphemy. Not only are you violating God's wish that we should all choose for ourselves, but you are in effect saying that GOD WAS WRONG TO GIVE US FREEDOM OF CHOICE AND IT IS YOUR DUTY TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM US. So fuck you. If you are going to claim to believe in God, realize that the God you claim to follow is tolerant -- and wants people to come to him of their own accord, not just because they have no other way to live their life.
I feel sorry for you if you reached this page searching for "Harry Potter", "Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe", or "Wholesome family fun."
Because now, I would like to talk about sodomy. Ok, not really. But see how a search engine can get you into trouble? Personally, I think if you have spawn, you should keep them off of the internet. It's not my duty to keep words like "Wholesome family fun" off my page just so you ass - backwards - praying - before - eating - dogma - spouting - hypocritical - right - wing - Rush - is - right - Christian - fundamentalist - mind - fuckers don't run into a dissenting opinion. I'm not going to be afraid of speaking my mind. Are you afraid to read it?
Netscape: Why do I hate thee? Let me count the ways... 1) You make nested tables look assy, you do. 2) PR2 of Netscape 6. I just had to download it because apparently they realized that PR1 was shit and put an expiration date on it. OK, maybe there is hope, right? Now NS6 does NOTHING on my computer.. Zero. Zilch. IT just sits there looking all skinned and AOL-ly. Yes, I have the proxies set up right. No, there is no problem with IE or NS 4.7. Yes, I used to work tech support and I am in IT -- so I'm not a complete dumbass 3) I only load NS to see if it has yet caught up to IE. The answer -- nope. 4) A O fucking L.
Why are my blogs not taking? Of course, the minute I decide to rant about them not working, it comes right up.
Sometimes, I scare myself. Good thing I'm not worried about coherent thoughts that will make sense to you. This is my official statement - I'm only going to say it once. I don't know HTML. I am a hack -- I use Netscape Composer to generate the look of what I want to do, then I put it into Notepad and remove all of the crap that it puts in there. Generally, it looks ok on multiple browsers. Honestly, however, I could care less if it looks right in Netscape. I design this page to look good on my computer on my monitor -- which means 1024 x 768 minimum, 16 bit graphics minimum, and Internet Explorer. Don't get me wrong. I used to actually own stock in Netscape. I have a Netscape hat. I had a Netscape sticker on the inside of my car window until that windshield was cracked open and had to be replaced. BUT -- that was the Netscape of old. Netscape 5 -- shit, 6 -- sorry, I keep forgetting the marketing hype -- is a big steaming pile of dung. It is ugly, it adds crap that I do not want on my sytem (AOL IM) and they gave away my Netscape.net e-mail address. So fuck them. But I'm not bitter.
Ok, so I played miniature Golf tonight. There are a couple of points here... 1) At 26 years old, I was the youngest one in our group... and I felt REALLY OLD playing miniature golf. 2) It has been a really long time since I played Mini-golf while sober. There was probably a reason for this. 3) Despite the fact that I was surrounded by teens and pre-teens in heat, I still had a pretty good time. Maybe I'm not as much of a curmudgeon as I think I am. Still, I wish I could play that dancing game like those asian kids were. Goddamn, but they are good at that game. I don't want to generalize to all Asians, but the 5 that I saw playing this game simply owned it. I know that if I got on it that it would look like John Travolta on crack sliding on a greased floor... so I'm not gonna bother. But I think if I was a thirteen year old girl that I would have been impressed by those Asian guys with their moves... Or I would have thought they were gay. Oh well, good thing I'm not a thirteen year old chick. Friday, August 11, 2000
"You're like - you're like... Jew." I have no idea what this means - it just came up in conversation about my hair. PS -- I'm not.
I'm already tired of the word Blog, and I'm only 2 days into this. I can only hope that my feelings for the word can continue to degrade at the rate that they currently are. If that were possible, I'm sure that "blog" would be anathema in less than a week... Luckily it can't be this bad forever. Hm... I bet I get in trouble for dissing the name of the service within my first 48 hours with it. If I owned a company, I would be all pissy about people making fun of the name, especially if it was a free service that created a niche for itself. I think I would censor and complain and whine. Conversely, as a user, if Blogger was to do any of that now, I would simply cancel the account and change my FTP password. Does it ever concern you that they have the password to your site? I mean, if I were to type "Blogger Sucks" Here -- which I doubt that I would (and mean it at this stage of the game) they could retaliate and make Hammered.com into a big "No, YOU SUCK AARON ZIMMERMAN" Site. Which would be kinda funny. When I sued. Anyway... I guess I'm supposed to link stuff here. I think I will link to... Hammered.com because if you got here from a link, you might be missing the 15 minutes of work that I put into the site. Hell, there's a webcam there of me that hasn't updated in almost a month... but I like the picture that is there. It makes me smile... which - if you watch the cam - is not something that happens all that often. Oh the angst - the despair. I'll fit right in here, I imagine. Check out the Hammered.com message board.
Ok, I'm gonna go now. Expect some actual logging in the near future. I just need to actually get to work and clock in before they realize that I'm not there :)
If I had a million dollars,
I'd buy me an automobile... something about Kraft Dinner... I can't remember the rest. Oh, this is just a test post again. Sorry.
Dammit. I really want this to look like my other page. I will be much happier if I can just fix the formatting on this to match the look of the rest of my site...
I wonder what percentage of blogs are entered just to see what the formatting will look like? Do you think this number is greater or less than the number that are posted to make the blogger show up on the most recently blogged list? Thursday, August 10, 2000
Well this looks like shit. I should probably ask someone for help, but you know me. Much more likely to just stop using this thing than to actually get it fixed...  |